Dear Grandma,

When you sat on your death bed, leaning against the hard cushion fighting for your last breath, I could see your lips move. You tried hard to speak out something but then the icy hands of death had already caught you cruelly. So cruel, that you weren’t able to convey your last words. By looking at your state, my mother became blank and speechless. She sat beside you helplessly holding your hand. With her head drooping I could see her shed tears of pain and despair. I was a young school boy then who was on winter holidays and had only little knowledge about all these affairs. I didn’t know what to do. I sat near my mother and silently cried along. But deep inside me, one thing kept questioning me constantly, “What were you trying to say?”

And then you left us creating a hall of silence in that cozy room of the ground floor of our three storied ancestral home. It is in that silence that all sorts of thoughts propped up in our minds. I’m sure my mother was losing her consciousness frequently due to all these thoughts. My mother cried out, “Ama, as an only child to you, I’ve not been able to keep you happy. I’ve only caused you troubles. And now you are gone. How will I take on this family without you? Whom should I look unto for guidance and help? What am I going to do without you?” and with immense regrets she prayed, “Please come back as my grandchild for I remain indebted to you for the great love and affection you’ve showered upon me until now.”

My mother was right. When you left us, we weren’t doing well economically. We did not even have a proper home to live in. You must be well aware that we just lived hand to mouth and our fortune remained just a distant dream.

But my mother has not given up her hope on this even today. Once she had gone to consult a soothsayer in Trashi Yangtse and came back convinced that you have taken rebirth in a nearby village. Instantly she wanted to go on looking for you. But how and where would she look for? Will it not sound funny? Will people not think that she is insane? When would she complete combing hundreds of households and villages? And after all these efforts will she find you? Well these were some of the questions that only suggested impossibility of finding you. But she still thinks that you are close by. And this only shows how much she loved you.

Again, about few months ago my Acho dropped in at my place to see my family in my absence. My wife offered him a cup of tea. I was later told that my younger daughter who has just started to take on few steps went near my Acho and pushed the tea cup indicating “please drink.” Later Acho told me that, he shared this incident to Ama. You know what? Ama had straight away responded, “She could be our grandma’s rebirth.” If it is true, I would be the happiest person on this earth to have you together once again because…            (to be continued).

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