I spent more number of days with you than any of my other siblings. Remember when my father was still in arm force how we used to retire for the night in that dark store room. Just before going to sleep, you would chant few rounds of mantra “Om mani padme hum…” And then you would stretch your arm to fetch an ara stored in your favorite aluminum container from underneath our old wooden box. That aroma of ara still lingers around my nose while your soothing mani chant still resonates to my ear. This way, I spent more of my childhood days with you then with my parents. All these make it so special to have you once again in our family. May be this is one reason why my mother loves you so much and always prays for your rebirth in the same family because she left you behind for so long.

But my mother did her best even after you left us. As a respect and gratitude for your love and affection, my mother didn’t want to take your funeral rite to distant crematorium. Therefore, your funeral rite was conducted in our own field very close to the ancestral home by our Meme Lama. After the funeral, to get into the house was just so difficult for every corners and objects within brought forth vivid memories of you. Without you our house looked empty and every moment was filled with hollowness. And within that emptiness, my mother looked completely lost not knowing what to do next. Fortunately, there were our neighbours who had been very helpful all throughout. It is one positive thing to note that in our part of the country people always come forward (even today) with ara, cash and kind, and some with labor contribution during the time of any misfortune in the family. My mother mourned your demise for months. With the passage of time and other priorities pushing in, it gradually died out at least from our daily chores.

With my younger siblings all at their infant stage, father and mother underwent all sorts of difficulties with field works on one hand and their growing children on the other hand. I could see desperation and frustration on the faces of my parents. Therefore, my younger sister Sonam was kept out of school when she completed class three as a helper to our parents. But today this decision has become a matter of regret for all of us. I remember once when my Acho expressed is regrets over this, “Had she continued with her schooling by now she would in one of the jobs earning her decent living. Now she will have to suffer like our parents.”

Few years after your demise, Acho graduated from India, and got into civil service. Since then Acho helped our poor parents as he took over part of their responsibilities. Finally Acho came to our rescue as he started to support our schooling and home expenses. Since then our lives started to improve gradually. As eldest among us I know he has done his best while he may have suffered too in the process. Therefore, to me he is always like another parent. I’ve my respect for him.      (to be continued)

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