Thus the journey of my next two years together with her as a school mate and a secret love went on without so much of a victory or defeat. March 1997 came for our ICSE examination and with it the final graduation from the home school. It was my saddest farewell session. My prayers and wishes were coming to the last wisp of smoke from the raging fire within my timid heart. I confronted the last hours bravely as a man should yet hoping that we would cross out paths soon to give me another chance to declare my love on some blessed time and place. I closed my journal for the final time only to be opened from time to time when I realized that I had unfinished wishes and undone promises to make.
Time: 4.00PM; December 6th 2010
The search had been long and uneventful yet I never gave up until at last I had a strange acquaintance with my old love just when I was beginning to believe that our destiny had come to its ultimate end after we departed on 14th of March 2007. When I was invited to evening tea at my close cousins’ residence during my vacation it was like any other day. As I sat down for tea my cousin introduced to his wife asking me if I recognized her. The woman was a total stranger at first. As she smiled and shyly grinned I tried to run through my memory files. It took few words of introductory giggle and murmur before I found out that she was the woman who I slept with all these years in my heart. How could I recognize if she did not smile that moonlight smile? From that moment on we laughed as we talked of our school days casually. I even told her how many times I tried to find and contact her for old times’ sake. I cursed modernization for not bringing in mobile phones twenty years earlier. It dawned on me that I had till that time lived in silent solitude yearning to see her alive and doing well. I was most happy to know that she married my cousin, who I know is an ideal man. I am sufficed that the person I loved all these years is living in the vicinity of my world. Now she will be never lost forever again.
The feeling the adoration never vanish without a trace? I have been married and become father of three children; nonetheless I smile with guilt in remembrance of my first truest love. I may appear like I am betraying the trust and faith of my wife and children for some not realizing that I went through more than a decade of learning the eternal beauty of love to understand what love must mean to my wife as well. My reverence to the most beautiful feeling has driven me to love my family purely and deeply. I may be not a good demonstrator of the feelings of love, certainly I know how to appreciate that feeling and value the essence of it in every ones’ heart.
Loving someone other than your spouse, even after formal marriage, without the physical being involved, or neglecting one’s spouse is an art of very few individuals. How can one pretend that the feeling is absent when it is actually lingering there waiting to be worshipped for its supernatural presence? Infidelity and betrayal is the failure to appreciate love as an innate cosmic positive feeling and a concept. It is then the blindness and madness of the common sense due to overwhelming defeat by the potent supremacy of Love. Love is victorious, Love is the only weapon of true victory
Thus, I close my diary to open it for the world…——THE END
I would like to thank all those who followed my Journal and shared my nostalgic moments with me all this time…