She wanders around her bedroom with just a towel wrapped around her body. Freshly out of bath, memory haunts her. Four hours earlier, she was in the hospital. As tears trickled down her cheek, she stared at the IV fluid drop into her veins. How simple, she thought. How simple that life should fall so frail. How simple that death could come anytime. And now, here she is, completely in a different world. In four hours, like a miracle, she is fully awake, fully energized, fully recovered.
As she lay on the hospital bed without a pillow, her body put down in equilibrium, she closed her eyes and prayed. Her version of heaven, of almighty and savior, hovered above her. Bathed in different beautiful colors, she really saw them. And, that moment, still tears running down her cheek, she completely threw herself at their feet, surrendered herself to them and begged them to find a path for her. This time, I have lost all strength. Without your help, I’m simply helpless. I will shamelessly admit that I have failed over and again, but I am willing to try again.
And now, wandering alone in her bedroom, she thinks her prayer has been answered. Shamelessly, yes, she goes through that memory of so many years ago. She didn’t want it at all. But, as if, life just is so and we have no hand in it, sometime, in just a flicker of a second, in a moment as short as snap of a finger, your good reason could vanish and you could commit a mistake that will haunt you the rest of your life. After that one incident, she cried her soul out. She scratched her heart, and she wanted to take out her soul itself to purify it. But like a devil has got into her life, the incident kept following one after another. He most liked her when she came out of her bathroom, water dripping down; towel just about touching her naked body.
She did not marry him. He swore love so true, he promised the stars, but she knew better. She chose to marry that man who she thought her parents could love, who she thought society would accept. Who she thought would fit in exactly with the conventional thinkers. And now, even after so many years, even after two children have grown up, memory haunts her. She misses him sometimes. Especially during times like today. She called her husband from the hospital. He responded as if to say he had no time to breathe: ‘I’m busy dear, I’m doing….’, something he said that she could not catch. When she asked him what it was, he snapped at her that she did not have to know everything about his work.
He is so right. I don’t have to know every single thing that he does. I don’t have to know why he cannot call me and ask me how I’m doing. She doesn’t even know if marrying her lover would have solved all this. But right now, water dripping down her body, sitting on the edge of her bed, she closes her eyes to find her version of heaven once again as her tears trickle down, hiding beneath the drops of water.